The Meaning of Dreams

At long last... I feel like myself again. Bless me. It's been four months since my last confession. We had four months to plan this next season of Instant Videos but when it comes time to shoot, all the elements come together on-the-fly anyway. No different this time around. Just go with the flow.

We have an hour of daylight left. It's a rush. Oh man, these old feelings again! My heart is pumping loudly. Adjust the tripod. And the heart! Quick, says Tammy. Get my make-up bag. On the shelf, right-hand side. There's a black eyeliner pencil... Six year-old Georgia takes pictures with the digital camera.

We missed doing all of this showtime business. Last month, I had to give the calendar a cold hard look. I had to use a ball-point pen to mark it down. Make a commitment.

Four months ago, we were at the beach, at the peak of our talent for spur-of-the-moment creation. But we got busy with other stuff and I have yet to come up with an angle that will convince arts councils that this project is worth supporting. Meanwhile, our lives are not complete without doing this crazy one-a-week deadline. So we're making another run anyway. I call it Season Two.

Today I wake up sobbing. I don't remember the dream. I don't know what this means. There's a book on the shelf. I don't like what it says.

I really want to picture myself going into the new decade working on something I love and believe in. I think ten years is about enough time to get used to the 21st century and now we can get on with making this world a better place. I know 9/11 threw everybody off. It came out of nowhere. And I think we've finally moved past it now. I hope so! There's no more time to lose.

I improvise by mixing video clips. Tammy likes to play guitar or keyboard, sing, make up words on-the-spot and we record it all together feeding through red, white and yellow RCA cords into the back of the DVD recorder... I used a webcam to record an improvised jam we did on Nov. 20. I uploaded a clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYq-0vTVWso) where the song "Dreams" had its beginning.

I want to write about the process because that's a big part of it. I want to show everything and tell all. The Instant Videos must remain as live unedited performances. The viewers will have to look for a heart in each one. I hope more people will tune in to see how we can live up to the challenge - one video per week. It's a study in sameness and variation fueled by artful sincerity. When we stopped making videos, the quiet few who are out there watching just wanted to give us our space. I hope they will tune in again and hope to gain more viewers.

As Tammy sings on camera, I think about the Sinéad O'Connor music video I had in mind for the art direction. But I can't imagine Sinéad O'Connor singing this song. I also play the guessing game. I imagine which celebrity could sing one of Tammy's songs. I've imagined Jack White singing Sweet is Low and Madonna singing Reflector. I couldn't think of one for Dreams.

I think Tammy finally hit some kind of nail on the head.



Dreams
by Tammy Lin Foreman

Someday you're gonna wake up + find
That all the things you thot you'd left behind
They are creepin'
When you're sleepin'
And your heart it is holdin' them tight
All thru the night.

You thot that you forgot
But you can't stop, no you can't stop
You got them into your heart
And it's pulling you apart
From the things you thot you were needing
Now you're bleeding.

I am. You are.
What do I do with this
It's on my list. It's on my list.

What do I do with this
Follow my bliss.