An Edge Detective

So busy. I've hardly had any sleep this week. Multi-task. Go, go. I consistently use two computers now. When I'm busy with one, the other is quietly working; the computer is rendering. It estimates 40 minutes. Maybe I can do some yoga, while I wait. Maybe, check my email just one more time. The other machine is processing a clip or transferring a file. So where to find the time for the Instant Video? I'm busy all week. I'm busy all weekend.

I've been practicing a song, says Tammy. It's "Love File." Last night it was "Sad Kid." But Tammy fell asleep. Serious. Asleep before the camera had a chance to roll. Tonight, I'm so tired, I might be the one to fall asleep. I need some loud music. I need to ramp myself up, clean up the kitchen.

The song is "Love File." And it makes me want to go back to the basement. I want to film the pipes. I want to get damp and dirty. I want to shoot the video in the style of film noir. I want to light the whole thing with a flashlight. I want to shoot the whole thing through a peep hole. Get the overhead projector and draw something on a transparency. Find that fedora.

I don't know.

So I tell Tammy some of this. I detect some kind of edge. I need the time to process this. I need to brainstorm. Figure this out. I'll make some tea. I'll wash the dishes by hand. It's soapy meditation. Agatha Christie even said she plotted her novels this way, wet hands, letting her mind wander standing by the kitchen sink.

Love File... How can I interpret this?

Finally. I'm ready to film. I go upstairs to find that Tammy had changed the song again. I just keep going. Go with the flow.



My Breath Wish
by Tammy Lin Foreman

Wish I could say
But I don't know
I'd like to stay
Maybe I'll go
When I think about it, I suck my breath too fast
Panicking like it might be my
Last nite you were like the stars
Today you are like the sun
I think you're beautiful
Why do I want to run?
Wish I could say
Describe it to you
Stick in the mud
Hold my breath till I turn blue

Now I don't want to be like them
Just coz they're scared of it all
They stop themselves before they start
Catching themselves
Never fall
Breath be easy
Breath be sure / pure
Carry words I need to say
Life lived in fear, life half lived
Where'd I learn this anyway..?