Angel at my Table

Georgia really really really wants to be in an Instant Video today. She's already got the angel wings on. She's got her violin.

Dad! Dad! I'll sit right here. Do you see me in the shot? I'm ready. When are we going to shoot it? Dad!

Okay. Give me a minute to take this in. Georgia wants to be in the video? Officially, this wouldn't be the first time. She made an appearance even as early as Instant Video #3 - Stars. And she was also seen in Make Believe and Defibrillator.

But for this P.J. Harvey cover of Victory, we had a different plan all set to go.

Tammy says she's thrilled that Georgia wants to be in it. Georgia is usually upset when it's time for us to make the video-of-the-week. She's always wondering what she will do in the meantime. Is there some way..?

I'm scratching my head. Okay. So. What are we going to do?

I'm out of ideas right now. I just want to set up the cameras and hit Go. Let's see what happens with the hands-off approach.

I keep my head down. I look up once in a while because I realize it makes Georgia smile. She's excited. She's seeing the world through her six-year old eyes. "I can't believe I'm gonna be in an Instant Video!"

Two hours later, Georgia sneaks up beside me while I'm editing. "Can I see it, Dad?" she says. I hit play and after two seconds Georgia bursts into tears! "Cut me out!" she wails repeatedly, "Cut me out!" She is inconsolable. And I am just stunned.

This worries her and this worries me. I have to talk about it with Tammy when she gets home.

Georgia is snuggled up in bed as I tuck her in for the night and she whispers "Don't put it on YouTube, Dad. Not until you talk to Mom. But you have to tell me what she said first."

Okay, Georgia. Good night.

Yes. I remember the first time I heard my own recorded voice played back to me. I hated the way I sounded. I remember seeing myself on film and noticing not only the way I looked but how I moved and made gestures. It was disturbing. I think almost everybody goes through something like this. It's that first time seeing myself how others truly see me.

"I love the video Georgia. I love the video because of you... I don't like myself in it. Without you, I wouldn't like it," says Tammy.

But Georgia insists. No.

I don't want to go against her personal wishes but I thought she understood that this was going to be published. I don't know what to do. I want her to be happy. I need the blessing of this angel.

Tammy is in charge of this now. I have to move on. So as of publishing this post, the video is still private.



Victory
by P.J. Harvey

I stumble and I'm in
You fit me with those angel wings
Set me go
Set me high
Set it up while I'm in the sky
But the storm is gone
And the temperature's high
And Delilah's dining
At my table
I think how lucky we are
Angel at my table, God in my car
Get it at sea
Take a ship
I'd christen her "Victory"
She'd make it

Victory
Victory

Come on boys
Let's push it hard
You bump down, push your motorcart
Come on boys
You done us proud
The sweat, just mop it right off your brow

Victory
Victory
Victory
Victory

So the storm is gone
And the temperature's high
And Delilah's dining
At my table

Till the storm is gone
And the temperature's high
And Delilah's dining
At my table